I need instant validation!

gelb9 · Post by **gelb9** » Wed Nov 22, 2006 6:30 am

I've written a short story. I'm curious as to what you all may think of it (considering most here are of the incredibly bright, well read and intellectual variety).. Would you mind giving it a stab? You can find it here: http://redgreendot.blogspot.com/2006/09 ... ke-me.html I'm down for comments/criticism.. heck, it's the only way I'll get better.

I'm also interested in reading what anyone else has written so throw your links up here!

Part time strippers are also welcome!

Oh, yeah, go easy on me.. it's a very VERY rough draft! THANKS!

lordgreystoke422 · Post by **lordgreystoke422** » Wed Nov 22, 2006 3:43 pm

Umm I would take the word phallic away from describing the desk... I understand what you are trying to evoke..but..it just doesn't work..I gotta go for a bit..will finish the rest later..so far..just one little petty criticism..

gelb9 · Post by **gelb9** » Wed Nov 22, 2006 4:40 pm

Hey Thanks! Really appreciate it! Maybe you're right.. I didn't really think it came across the way I hoped. I'll rethink the description, definitely.

stuart2004 · Post by **stuart2004** » Wed Nov 22, 2006 7:22 pm

I am at chapter 2 and I love it so far....

gelb9 · Post by **gelb9** » Thu Nov 23, 2006 3:18 am

Hi Stuart, thanks for reading!

LesterG · Post by **LesterG** » Thu Nov 23, 2006 5:36 am

hey chicky,

I'm downright exhausted at the moment

I promise I'll check it out, let me get fully rested so I can give you a real analysis rather then a half ass tired ana...err you know

gelb9 · Post by **gelb9** » Thu Nov 23, 2006 5:37 am

Hey, no worries, but if you don't get to it you'll be stripped henceforth of your treasurer title! Nah, you're pretty good with the funds...

gelb9 · Post by **gelb9** » Thu Nov 23, 2006 3:53 pm

What?! No more takers??!! Must I strip naked and dance a jig??!!