You Know You're From Misery When...
1. You've never met any celebrities.
2. Everyone in your family has been on a "Float trip."
3. "Vacation" means driving to Silver Dollar City, Worlds of Fun or Six Flags. [sometimes - Branson]
4. You've seen all the biggest bands ten years AFTER they were popular.
5. You measure distance in minutes rather than miles.
6. Down south to you means Arkansas.
7. The phrase, "I'm going to the Lake this weekend," can mean only one thing.
8. You know what "Party Cove" is. (If you know where, you are a boating party animal)
9. You know several people who have hit a deer with their automobile.
10. You think Missouri is pronounced with an "ah" at the end. NO WAY.
11. Your school classes were canceled because of the cold.
12. Your school classes were canceled because of the heat.
13. You've ridden the school bus for an hour each way.
14. You've had to switch from "Heat" to "AC" in the same day.
15. You think ethanol makes your truck "run a lot better."
16. You know what's knee-high by the Fourth of July.
17. You see people wear bib overalls to funerals. (This is precisely why everyone thinks we're hicks...)
18. You see a car running in the parking lot at the store with no one in it no matter what time of the year.
19. You know in your heart that Mizzou can beat Nebraska in football.
20. You end your sentences with an unnecessary preposition. Example: "Where's my coat at?"
21. All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, or grain.
22. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.
23. You think the four major food groups are beef, pork, beer, and Jell-O salad with marshmallows. [Eeew...]
24. You carry jumper cables in your car and know that everyone else should.
25. You went to skating parties as a kid. [a LOT of skating parties - fun times!]
26. You own only 3 spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup.
27. You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
28. You think sexy lingerie is tube socks and a flannel nightie. [Come and get it, boys!
] ...I'm only half-joking...I don't own any tube socks29. The local paper covers national and international headlines on one page but requires 6 pages for the sports.
30. You think I-44 is spelled "foarty-foar." (St. Louis Only)
31. You'll pay for your kids to go to college unless they want to go to KU.
32. You think that deer season is a national holiday.
33. You know that Concordia is halfway between Kansas City and Columbia, and Columbia is halfway between St. Louis and Kansas City, and Warrenton outlet mall is halfway between Columbia and St. Louis.
34. You can't think of anything better than sitting on the porch in the middle of the summer during a thunderstorm.
35. You know which leaves make good toilet paper.
36. You've ever said, "It's not the heat, it's the humidity."
37. You know all 4 seasons: Almost Summer, Summer, Still Summer, and Construction.
38. You know if another Missourian is from the Boot-Hills, Ozarks, Eastern, Middle or Western Missouri as soon as they open their mouth.
39. You know that Harry S. Truman, Walt Disney and Mark Twain are all from Missouri.
40. You failed world geography in school because you thought Cuba, Versailles, California, Nevada, Houston, Cabool, Louisiana, Springfield and Mexico were cities in Missouri. (And they are)
41. You think a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.
~Commander of the LG15 Defense Force
