Daniel needs to hear this-

[Melisa]

Don't go complaining to Jonas.

He's way worse off then you right now.

You got "dumped",boohoo.

He's trying to figure out if his parents are sitll alive.

He's helping you guys.

YOU'RE getting drunk and pissing everyone off.

[Lurker]

Don't go complaining to Jonas.

He's way worse off then you right now.

You got "dumped",boohoo.

He's trying to figure out if his parents are sitll alive.

To be fair, to many people the first scenario is probably worse than the second. To some, it would be because Jonas has already gone through his grief and made a life (such as it is) for himself, whereas Daniel is maybe feeling like his might as well be over. It's a fresh wound versus a closed one (one that left a scar, yes, but a closed one nonetheless).

And then, to others, romantic matters are simply more significant.

In any case, yes, Daniel needs to remember that they're all going through hard times - but he may not have forgotten that. He probably hasn't When he feels useless and like it doesn't matter what he says or does anyway ... that he doesn't actually have a purpose ... then it doesn't matter if he's forgotten. He probably doesn't feel any motivation.

He needs to find one if he feels like he's lost the one he had before. He just doesn't want to look. He's been hurt so much already.


Am I hitting near the mark, Daniel? You do have a purpose. It's up to you whether you find what it is - but many of us would be sad if you didn't.

[Nieriel.Manwathiel]

Danny-boy, I heart you. I always have. And that's why I'm giving you A MUCH-NEEDED VERBAL ASS-KICKING!


<--Loving slap upside the head coming.



Daniel, if anyone is lying, IT'S YOU.

~Jonas admits he hates it, but he grew a pair and found a way to vent his frustration while still contributing to the cause.
~Bree--- uh,
Well, she's still got issues. But guess what? She doesn't go "oh waah waah, I'm gonna curl up into a ball like anyone else would." You know why? Because that's NOT what anyone else would do.


Since you love him so much to do what he'd do, let's see what Mister "Anyone Else" really WOULD do in a situation like yours.

~Step one: Denial (from a day to a few months)
~Step two: Anger (A few weeks is a healthy maximum.)
~Step three: Mourning (over what was lost/changed; depending on the severity, excluding dead loved ones, a few days to 2 months)
~Step four: acceptance (includes both accepting the situation, but growing a pair to do something about it; hopefully this lasts till death )


Let's see what YOU do on these steps

~Denial: CONSTANT
~Anger: In all this time, your periods of anger could be smushed into the space of a few days!!! You're so terrified of letting Bree (and Jonas; you care about him too, whether you admit it or not) see you're a *shock shock* HUMAN, that YOU LIE and live as if you never get mad. Or upset. Or disagree. People-pleasing, when you get down to it, is self-centered; you're consumed by what others think of YOU. ( I'm a people-pleaser, too; I'm just as guilty.) You CAN, however, have a sober, MATURE, conversation and say "guys, thus-and-such has been ticking me off lately". You can also do this without screaming and childish name-calling:smt014; if you stick to the pure facts, you'll actually get heard.
~Mourning: NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER! (a.k.a "See 'Denial'") Why? Because hiding doesn't count. Hiding from your sorrow in beer doesn't count. Keeping your mouth shut constantly doesn't count. You know what DOES count? MATURELY saying "sorry i'm being weird today; thus-and-such is still screwin with my head." What does count is having an honest (sober) conversation and be honest with everyone (yourself included) that this is seriously affecting you. What does count is looking in your mind and heart and asking the dangerous questions of "why is this messing with me so bad?".
~Acceptance: You know, if something sucks and you dive into a bottle, guess what? YOU'VE JUST BEEN DEFEATED. But if you say "gah lo this sucks" WHILE you're formulating a plan for a secure communication network to kick serious ass, then you have both accepted your situation without letting it conquer you.
Do you want to RESPOND to a situation, formulating a plan of retaliation? Or do you want to REACT, letting the situation choose what you're gonna do?



My family has been through enough screaming matches and all-night tear-fests to have learned these valuable lessons. Having a Ph.D. is other people's problems doesn't have to be a bad thing.


;)Wanna hug it out?


p.s.
Think I'm trying to talk about things I don't know?
There was this guy. I loved him. Deeply. I got happy when our hands touched. I would do anything to help him. Then it happened.
As I was telling him that I liked him and asked for an honest answer so that I could know what to do, he told me there was someone else. A girl online that he never met in person. I think the only thing that would have been more insulting was "Sorry, but I just found out I'm gay" or "you're too fat". I didn't follow healthy procedures. But I also sorta chose not to. I was in immense pain for about two-three years. Then we talked seriously. I told him I was very hurt that he didn't choose me and somewhat offended that while he gave me vague "maybe" answers that he was having an online relationship with another girl. I also told him that it was because of his refusal to be a friend and tell me the truth quickly (like ripping off a band-aid instead of doing it painfully slowly) that I needed to stay away from him till I healed.
But once I sorted through things in my own heart, I also realized that he was one of those friends that are rarer than winning the lotto. And I would rather be a little sad (by then I wasn't in so much pain) than to lose him.
Thankfully, by then, he grew up and also acknowledged he was sorta being jerky, and we now have a friendship I wouldn't trade for anything.

I'm speaking from experience; please don't go down that road of despair. Please. It's a roach motel; alot check in, about 3 check out. Please put in the work now, take the higher road than I did, and you'll find yourself a lot stronger and happier.

[Nieriel.Manwathiel]

wow; what a burst of emotional vomit.

way to make me look like PMS woman, Lurker...

with your damn reasoning and logic...

[Susan]

I thought there were 7 stages of grief.

[Nieriel.Manwathiel]

I thought there were 7 stages of grief.

Yeah, but Mr. Anyone Else usually forgets the what formal stages are...

[longlostposter]

Nieriel, I posted this in the video thread:

I think someone needs to explain Daniel's behavior a little more. This guy has been through hell, and the Order, and this situation, really have nothing to do with him. But the major problem for him is, because he has sacrificed so much to help Bree, he has made himself an enemy to the Order. He is now shackled to Bree, whom he loves, and who has no interest in him; but not only that...because of the shackling and the situation, he can't find other female companionship. He is also reliant on a guy that stuck a gun in his face for food and shelter. Sucks to be him. I can understand why he's turned to drinking.

Also, I don't particularly trust Alex, but Daniel had this brief moment with her where he thought he might actually have a chance at some happiness. When he tried to hear her side of the story, Jonas wouldn't allow it, and then that chance for happiness vanished in a matter of seconds. When will Daniel find another girl who might possibly understand about the Order, and want to put herself in the situation DBJ are in? Probably never.

*sigh* shackled to unappreciative, nonreciprocating Bree, with no real chance of escape or other female companionship; all because he loved Bree enough to stick his neck out a thousand miles for her. Poor guy.

Maybe you should consider these things.

[Susan]

Bravo, Julie!

[longlostposter]

Bravo, Julie!

Thanks, Susan.

[danielbeast]

I'm speaking from experience; please don't go down that road of despair. Please. It's a roach motel; alot check in, about 3 check out. Please put in the work now, take the higher road than I did, and you'll find yourself a lot stronger and happier.

I just called & there are no vacancies. They're not accepting reservations from either of us anytime soon.

Thanx Nieriel.Manwathiel!

[longlostposter]

Alex sucks.