ever had "the-one-that-got-away"?

Kasdeja · Post by **Kasdeja** » Thu Mar 01, 2007 9:45 am

To say one doesn't have regrets is to lie. To act as if things didn't happen in your past...is to lie to yourself. To accept things in your past, even if they aren't the best or aren't what you had once hoped, is to be honest with yourself. Wondering what 'coulda' happened with somoene isn't longing for them. It's simply wondering. Passing thought. Not enough to spurr anything. I didn't hear any woe is me, I wish I would have done this...in here. I see my past as it is, I can't change it. Doesn't mean I can't have a nice little bit of nostalgia thinking back on old times. If I longed for someone else, I wouldn't have gotten married. That doesn't mean my husband is the only man in my life to make my heart skip a beat, he's just the one I fit best with whom I choose to spend my life with.

AutoPilate · Post by **AutoPilate** » Thu Mar 01, 2007 9:47 am

I often wonder what it's like to kick an old lady down a flight of stairs, but I don't act on it.

Every time.

betz28 · Post by **betz28** » Thu Mar 01, 2007 10:10 am

Ziola wrote:See, I don't regret how things in my life have gone for a second. And I tell my students that every experience they have is important because they learn from it. There are some instances where the outcome isn't exactly what I hoped for, but I wouldn't be the person I am today, or have the life I have, if I hadn't gone down certain paths. Its interesting to look back and wonder, but I don't dwell on things for a second. Everyone in my life has influenced it, be it for good or bad, and they are all important in their own ways.

i love the way you put this and i agree 100 percent! life experiences ~ you learn from them. i'm divorced but learned so much from that experience. i wouldn't want to go back and change my past...it made me a stronger person ~ the one i am today.

Languorous Lass · Post by **Languorous Lass** » Thu Mar 01, 2007 10:11 am

I do have "one that got away." It was ten years ago, and I was in an awful place in my life, and for the longest time I thought that it was my insanity that drove her away. I got sober during that horrible period, and things have gotten better and better ever since. But she stopped speaking to me, and I haven't had a conversation with her, or even seen her anywhere, in almost a decade.

I just had a conversation with my therapist about her, though, and realized that regardless of what I thought or how she behaved at the time, she couldn't have been The One For Me, because she was incapable of being genuinely emotionally invested in someone who was available.

She fell in love with me, and I returned her feelings, when we were both involved with other people. When both our relationships ended, we got together -- and she couldn't handle it and dumped me after six weeks. And it wasn't the first time that she'd gotten involved with someone while she was, or they were, already in a relationship.

Funnily enough, right before I saw this thread yesterday, I went onto a particular website to do some research, and discovered that she hangs out in the comments threads on that site. And a couple of weeks ago, I was reading a book and was amazed to find that she was quoted in it. (She used first and last names in both instances, so I'm sure it's her.)

This all seems pretty ironic, since for nine years or so, I've secretly looked for her when I go back to visit the town where she lives, or looked in tables of contents in various anthologies for pieces written by her. I've even Googled her every now and again to see what she's doing (never found a website where she hung out before). But I haven't done any of that in a good while now. I wonder if something karmic is going on.

IAE, I've been in my current relationship for almost four years, and though we're having our problems, I'm pretty damned happy. The only positive characteristic that The One That Got Away has (or had) that my GF lacks is that TOTGA wanted kids, and my GF doesn't (I do). But I still think that my GF is a much, much better match for me in multiple ways, and I'm totally crazy about her.

nobackspacebutton · Post by **nobackspacebutton** » Thu Mar 01, 2007 10:19 am

betz28 wrote:
Ziola wrote:See, I don't regret how things in my life have gone for a second. And I tell my students that every experience they have is important because they learn from it. There are some instances where the outcome isn't exactly what I hoped for, but I wouldn't be the person I am today, or have the life I have, if I hadn't gone down certain paths. Its interesting to look back and wonder, but I don't dwell on things for a second. Everyone in my life has influenced it, be it for good or bad, and they are all important in their own ways.
i love the way you put this and i agree 100 percent! life experiences ~ you learn from them. i'm divorced but learned so much from that experience. i wouldn't want to go back and change my past...it made me a stronger person ~ the one i am today.

Thats what I like to hear ^_^

Good!

LesterG · Post by **LesterG** » Thu Mar 01, 2007 11:49 am

betz28 wrote:i was that one that got away

ok that is a joke ~ lester you have a beautiful family and I agree that the one that got away could be a blessing in disguise.

not saying I don't believe that

but I'm just basically reminiscing and wallowing in sweet memories

sweet emotions and feelings that once took hold of this naive person, showing me the clouds clearing on a rainy day... if you know what I mean

LesterG · Post by **LesterG** » Thu Mar 01, 2007 12:14 pm

Kasdeja wrote:To say one doesn't have regrets is to lie. To act as if things didn't happen in your past...is to lie to yourself. To accept things in your past, even if they aren't the best or aren't what you had once hoped, is to be honest with yourself. Wondering what 'coulda' happened with somoene isn't longing for them. It's simply wondering. Passing thought. Not enough to spurr anything. I didn't hear any woe is me, I wish I would have done this...in here. I see my past as it is, I can't change it. Doesn't mean I can't have a nice little bit of nostalgia thinking back on old times. If I longed for someone else, I wouldn't have gotten married. That doesn't mean my husband is the only man in my life to make my heart skip a beat, he's just the one I fit best with whom I choose to spend my life with.

I have to agree with kasdeja, it's more a reflection on past experiences and what you have done now to change what it was that happened back then to make sure your "current" didn't turn into the-one-that-got-away

life experiences that taught you what you should do now (go for it!)

I'll admit I do still get tormenting dreams of "her", but considering what I have now... I would never pursue what I had back then... I would never give up anything I have now, otherwise where would I be other then becoming another stalker with an obsessed passion to rekindle a flame that blew out in the wind

I love what I have now, don't get me wrong. However, I know I still remember the sweet feelings I could never throw away. It IS in fact what makes me who I am today.

LesterG · Post by **LesterG** » Thu Mar 01, 2007 12:15 pm

betz28 wrote:
Ziola wrote:See, I don't regret how things in my life have gone for a second. And I tell my students that every experience they have is important because they learn from it. There are some instances where the outcome isn't exactly what I hoped for, but I wouldn't be the person I am today, or have the life I have, if I hadn't gone down certain paths. Its interesting to look back and wonder, but I don't dwell on things for a second. Everyone in my life has influenced it, be it for good or bad, and they are all important in their own ways.
i love the way you put this and i agree 100 percent! life experiences ~ you learn from them. i'm divorced but learned so much from that experience. i wouldn't want to go back and change my past...it made me a stronger person ~ the one i am today.

hey looky that, didn't I just kinda say that too

*read this after I posted betsy

*

betz28 · Post by **betz28** » Thu Mar 01, 2007 12:36 pm

LesterG wrote:
betz28 wrote:
Ziola wrote:See, I don't regret how things in my life have gone for a second. And I tell my students that every experience they have is important because they learn from it. There are some instances where the outcome isn't exactly what I hoped for, but I wouldn't be the person I am today, or have the life I have, if I hadn't gone down certain paths. Its interesting to look back and wonder, but I don't dwell on things for a second. Everyone in my life has influenced it, be it for good or bad, and they are all important in their own ways.
i love the way you put this and i agree 100 percent! life experiences ~ you learn from them. i'm divorced but learned so much from that experience. i wouldn't want to go back and change my past...it made me a stronger person ~ the one i am today.
hey looky that, didn't I just kinda say that too

*read this after I posted betsy *

you certainly did

lots of love for ya les!!

LesterG · Post by **LesterG** » Thu Mar 01, 2007 12:56 pm

right back atcha betsy

kageyuki · Post by **kageyuki** » Thu Mar 01, 2007 1:41 pm

From the looks of things in my own life, I might say that there have been multiple Ones That Got Away. They had always left me, and I was always the one that ended up being hurt. But also in retrospect, looking at how a couple of them are doing now, maybe I really was the OTGA...

It all depends on how you view everything. Am I a different person because of those experiences? Most likely, because they were experiences that did move me. But who's to say that I may not have gotten to this same point if they had all been different girls? It isn't like I could go back and have chosen someone different. If that were the case, then who would be the one to "Get Away"?

"The One That Got Away"... They've all gotten away in some way, but either way I look at that I still haven't found "The One For Me"...

Post by **wintermute** » Thu Mar 01, 2007 1:51 pm

LesterG wrote:...otherwise where would I be other then becoming another stalker...

You say that like it's a bad thing

'mute

AutoPilate · Post by **AutoPilate** » Thu Mar 01, 2007 1:54 pm

All this self-pity is making me nauseous.

Post by **wintermute** » Thu Mar 01, 2007 2:01 pm

AutoPilate wrote:All this self-pity is making me nauseous.

Ya sure it's not something you ate at lunch?

'mute

AutoPilate · Post by **AutoPilate** » Thu Mar 01, 2007 2:03 pm

Pretty sure; after all, I only had a couple of Tootsie Rolls for lunch.