Lonelygirl15

Yes, the plot is starting to move along but the writing is getting pretty sloppy. Here is how I would love to see the next video play out. . .

(The usually sunlit-blessed study in Jonas' house is surprisingly dark. Daniel flicks on a desk lamp for clarity. Jonas is fiddling in the background, reorganizing some books).

Daniel: Okay, it's late. (he looks back, camera follows him to show a digital clock reading 2:37am). Really late. But Bree finally left her room. She's in the kitchen and Jonas and I are going in for the kill.

Jonas: So to speak.

Daniel: Right. Plan A failed for Jonas. I failed with Plan B. It's time for Plan Bree.

Jonas: The kid gloves are off, beast boy. (Jonas approaches camera) It's intervention time.

(Jonas picks up camera and they head out to the kitchen where Bree is staring aimlessly at the opened fridge door)

Bree: Space. Please.

Daniel: (walking towards Bree) Your mother was wrong, Bree.

Bree: Go away, Daniel.

Daniel: Your mother was wrong.

Bree: I just need some space. Got it?

Daniel: She was wrong, Bree. It's okay to cry.

Bree: When I want your opinion -- IF I want your opinion -- I will let you --

Daniel: It's okay to cry, Bree. It's not a sign of weakness.

(Daniel lays out his arms, Bree sheepishly moves in for a hug)

Daniel: It's a sign of strength. Your mother was wrong, Bree.

Bree: Oh, Daniel. (hugs him back)

Daniel: She was wrong, Bree. Way wrong.

(Bree begins to cry)

Daniel: Keep it coming, Bree. Let it out.

(Bree cries louder, hugs him harder)

Bree: She wasn't even my mom!

Daniel: I know, Bree. Let it out.

Bree: She killed him, Daniel. She killed the only father I ever knew.

Daniel: I'm here for you. We're here for you.

Bree: She told him that if he went out to see me that she would have him followed. She is the reason he died.

Daniel: I know, Bree.

Bree (pulls away, sniffles, and wipes away at her tears, flashes a vengeful smile at the camera): But what they don't know is that my father told me everything. I know where they are. I know why they -- (faces Daniel) Can we go?

Daniel: Can we go where?

Bree: I know where they are, Daniel. They can't get to me if I get to them first. Can we go?

Daniel: (looks at Jonas) I don't know if that's such a good idea, Bree.

Bree: Who is being weak now?

Daniel: They've got guns. They've got connections.

Bree: They've got weaknesses. Besides, it's only a matter of time before they find us here. (faces Jonas) You know that, don't you Jonas?

(camera nods in agreement)

Daniel: Okay then. Kid gloves? Off.

That would so awesome. Nice plot there, hopefully something close to that happens soon.

that was a reeeely good script

they will probably do the opposite now u have posted that lol

iamcool wrote:they will probably do the opposite now u have posted that lol

Yep, they do tend to zag when the community zigs.

I just wish that they would sit down and get one great episode a week done instead of trying to squeeze out three somewhat mediocre ones. Some of the episodes -- like the latest one -- feel as if they are just biding their time by dragging out the inevitable.

The whole Sam Has 7 Friends online serial had its flaws but at least it felt as if every episode mattered.

geat idea for a script in principle (not sure bree would speak quite like that although Jonas was pretty dead on)

i hope they do somehting like that, nut we might have to wait a while for a scene like that, firstly to be realistic on how long it takes bree to get over it, and secondly so that they reherse it like mad and make it absolutely perfect

but as iamcool and moonpies have said they shall nodoubt do it completely differently

Maccaboy17 wrote:geat idea for a script in principle (not sure bree would speak quite like that although Jonas was pretty dead on)

Well, I'm just taking Bree into her likely direction after she breaks out of the mope-along cocoon. Bree has lived a sheltered life. It's why she talks to her stuffed animals and has that childhood enthusiasm that shines through in the early videos. Since the fake ceremony-parental abduction-parking garage mishap, she has recoiled but that child inside hasn't been snuffed out.

Once she snaps to -- and that really should be sooner than you think because even though her "dad" was shot a week ago she has been on her own for a few months now -- her first instinct will be revenge. Revenge on The Order for defrauding her all her life, for her mother, and most importantly to avenge the shooting of her adopted father. Obviously Bree is not going to go all Rambo on us, though that would be the knee-jerk childish reaction of someone who has had the weight of sorrow lifted off her shoulders.

Maybe the stakeout on The Order leads to the abduction of Gemma or Lucy. Trust in The Creators to milk this story for all it's worth, but to expect Bree to mope around for a few more weeks when a heinous crime goes unpunished. If there's a tangled web of clues and plot twists to get there, so be it, but let it start. One can only feel sorry for Bree for so long.

actually her dad was shot on new years eve, its nearly been two weeks, bree has probably had long enought to mope, she should come back to a more normal state fairly soon

I hope

Maccaboy17 wrote:actually her dad was shot on new years eve, its nearly been two weeks, bree has probably had long enought to mope, she should come back to a more normal state fairly soon

I hope

I second that. I agree that the Creators had to give her time to mourn for realism's sake, but they have to balance that with keeping the story engaging (which means moving forward at least a little bit). I hope something happens soon.

I don't want to sound mean, but that script... made me throw up in my mouth.

Seriously, it reminded me of the fanfiction from back in the day when I was a 14-year-old X-Phile.

AniDonia wrote:I don't want to sound mean, but that script... made me throw up in my mouth.

WAY off topic, of course, but I just realized:

There is NOTHING wrong with my VIVID imagination!!!!

AniDonia wrote:I don't want to sound mean, but that script... made me throw up in my mouth.

Tasty! Though I'm guessing that you probably wouldn't be too impressed with the transcripts of most of the real LG15 videos either.

Sorry, but I don't it all that much. Jonas hardly had a line and Bree and Daniel were pretty far out of character. As for her "mom" killing her "father," pretty realistic. I wouldn't mind seeing that much in the future.

Forgotten Purity wrote:Sorry, but I don't it all that much. Jonas hardly had a line and Bree and Daniel were pretty far out of character. As for her "mom" killing her "father," pretty realistic. I wouldn't mind seeing that much in the future.

in that situation i reckon jonas would throw in lots of of his little comments, i said early that i thought bree and daniels stuff wasnt right (although along the right lines just the wrong words)

but, as it has now been written in the forum it wont happen

Moonpies wrote:

AniDonia wrote:I don't want to sound mean, but that script... made me throw up in my mouth.

Tasty! Though I'm guessing that you probably wouldn't be too impressed with the transcripts of most of the real LG15 videos either.

Seems like you haven't actually read the transcripts of the real LG15 videos then. You know, the ones where they talk like, oh i dunno... real people?