Lonelygirl15

Kay so I thought it would be neat to have a thread where people can tell their jokes or jokes they have heard from other people.

I'll go first..

There was a man laying naked on the beach, all of a suddon he sees a little girl headed his way so he covers up with his towel. The little girl comes up to him and asks; "Whats under your towel?" The man replys "my pet bird".

Later the man falls asleep and wakes up in the ER.
The doctor looks at him and asks him what happened because "nothings right down there". The man says he doesn't know but there was a little girl on the beach and maybe she saw what happened.

The cops are sent to the beach where they find the girl and ask her if she knows what happened. She responds "Well I was petting his bird when it spit on me! So I broke its neck, cracked its eggs, and lit its nest on fire."

LOL. Guys always go "OWWWW" about that joke. =]



Heres another but I just found it on a site. lol. -
A woman is having an affair during the day while her husband is at work. Her 9 year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch.

The woman's husband also comes home.

She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there already.

The little boy says, "Dark in here."
The man says, "Yes, it is."
Boy - "I have a baseball."
Man - "That's nice."
Boy - "Want to buy it?"
Man - "No, thanks."
Boy - "My dad's outside."
Man - "OK, how much?"
Boy - "$250"

In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the closet together.

Boy - "Dark in here."
Man - "Yes, it is."
Boy - "I have a baseball glove."
The lover remembering the last time, asks the boy, "How much?"
Boy - "$750"
Man - "Fine."

A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your glove, let's go outside and have a game of catch." The boy says, "I can't, I sold my baseball and my glove." The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?"

Boy - "$1,000"

The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like
that...that is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess."

They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door.

The boy says, "Dark in here."
The priest says, "Don't start that shit again."

Q. Why are married women heavier than single women?
A. Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.

Q. What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
A. Through his chest with a sharp knife.

Q. How can you tell if a man is happy?
A. Who cares?

Q. Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
A. Because those men already have boyfriends.

Q. When would you want a man's company?
A. When he owns it.

Q. How many men does it take to wallpaper a bathroom?
A. Three, if you slice them very thinly.

Q. Why do men get married?
A. So they don't have to hold their stomachs in any more.

Q. What are a woman's four favorite animals?
A. A mink in the closet, a Jaguar in the garage, a tiger in the bedroom,
and a Jackass to pay for it all.

Q. How do you get a man to do sit-ups?
A. Put the remote control between his toes.

Q. Why are blonde jokes so short?
A. So men can remember them.

Q. Why do men buy electric lawn mowers?
A. So they can find their way back to the house.

Q: Why were hurricanes usually named after women?
A: Because when they arrive, they're wet and wild, but when they go,
they take your house and car.

A woman is in a terrible accident, and she needs to recieve a brain transplant. The doctor tells her, "Well, a man's brain costs $900,000 dollars and a woman's costs $100,000." She is extremely offended and asks why. The doctor smiles and says, "That's not sexism, it's standard pricing procedure. We have to mark the women's brains down because they've been used."