so much to read 
[Archive IV] Daniel, ma belle
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colbertnationgirl
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Even Stevphen: Religion (with Steve Carell)
Colbert: Tonight's topic, Islam versus Christianity - which is right?
Carell: Islam.
Colbert: Christianity
Carell: Is-LAAAAAAAA-LALALALALAM! There is no god but Allah and Mohammed is his Prophet. Stephen?
Colbert: Steve, this debate is about religion, lets discuss it rationally. Now, think about it, if you were God would you manifest your divine glory to a shepherd in a cave in Saudi Arabia in the 7th Century, or as the son of a carpenter in a manger in Judea in the year zero? Come on, use your mind!
Carell: Stephen, what part of "here is no god but Allah and Mohammed is his Prophet" don't you understand? Look, lets assume for the sake of argument that your God is the one true God. That would mean that Allah is not the one true God, which we know he is. Don’t you see, your logic eats itself!
Colbert: First off, it’s not my logic, Steve, it’s God’s logic, as written in the Bible, every word of which is true. And we know every word is true because the Bible says that the Bible is true, and if you remember from earlier in this sentence every word of the Bible is true! Now, are you following me here, or are you some kind of mindless zealot?
Carell: You know, there is one way of settling this.
Colbert: Crusade!
Carell: Alright, there are 2 ways of settling this. The one I was thinking of, a pray-off. You pray to your God, and I will pray to mine, and we will see which one of us gets smited.
Colbert: Great, lets do it!
Carell: Is your God ready?
Colbert:My God was born ready. Or….er….not so much born as begotten, not made, at one with the father, ready.
Carell: Alright, on your mark. Get set. Pray.
(Praying ensures)
Colbert: Done!
Carell: Nooo-no-no-no-no, I-I am, I am done too, and I appear to be unsmoted!
Colbert: Yeah, for now, but let me tell you, when you die and go to hell, you’re going to wish you weren’t dead!
Carell: Hmm….interesting. Now am I going to be doing that after I go to paradise to join my bevy of spotless virgins for all eternity? You know, ‘cos I want to give them the heads up where I am going for E-TER-NITY!
Jon Stewart: Guys, er….I’m sorry, I just starting to think that this religion thing, we’re not going to settle it in 3 minutes, so, if you can just wrap it up and find some common ground, that would be great.
(Colbert and Carell look at Jon. Then they turn around and start thinking)
Colbert: Hmm….
Carell: Hmm….
(beat)
Carell: Maybe the Jew is right….
(Laughter)
Colbert: Yeah….maybe so….which is funny ‘cos normally I don’t care for Jews.
Carell: We don’t either.
Colbert: Really?
Carell: We seem to find them kinda….scheming.
Colbert: We’re very big on that too!
Carell: Really?!
Colbert: Yes!
Carell: Heh-heh-heh. We’re not so different after all!
Both laugh and grab hands, then suddenly stop laughing and glare at Jon Stewart.
[talking like a Biblical prophet] Threat, Jon? Threat? Tread carefully, newsman, lest your impudence embroil you in the coming battle tide. For the day is nigh when the armies of Rove shall come alive to claim their due. For lo! it has been foretold that the son of the forty-first king shall himself twice be crowned! The treasuries will be emptied! The ads unleashed! And the blue states will run red with the hundred million dollars of hellfire and retribution!
I was subpoenaed, Jon, but I pled the sixth. That threw them for a loop.
We won. Rebuilding is for losers. Time to party. And then it's off to Syria for the next invasion.
Islam… fascinating religion, but it's kind of a PR nightmare right now… and ditto. [shows a picture of a Catholic cardinal]
What are you implying Jon? That O’Reilly and Geraldo are narcissists enthralled in their own overblown egos - projecting their own petty insecurities on to the world around them, inventing false enemies for the sole purpose of bolstering their sense of self-importance, itty bitty Nixons minus the relevance or a hint of vision? How dare you!
Far out Steve! Groovy point man, you're blowing my mind! Face it! You and your doctor dopes are just hiding behind grandma's oxygen tanks. The real reason you're pushing pro-pot legislation is so you can suck on a Thai-stick and watch the walls begin to pulse and breathe!
Aw c'mon Steve, you love Ganja and the exhilarating rush of freedom and the heightened textural sensations it gives you! Where as, I wouldn't know where to start looking for a dimebag, I'm sure you've got great connections! So let me in your dirty little secret Steve, *slowly* where do you get your pot?
I don't know Steve, would we be high?
Atheism: the religion devoted to the worship of one's own smug sense of superiority.
Well Jon its still a little too early to be sure, but this is how I see the next 4 years playing out: On Inauguration Day George W. Bush will take the Oath of Office and assume the mantle of Leader of the Free World, restoring his father's fallen Dynasty. And to insure his legitamacy, Chief Justice Rehnquist will anniont his brow with chrism. Doves will be realeased and lambs will be slaughtered. Bush will mount a golden chariot. Then with his aged squire Dick Cheney holding a loral wreath over his master's furrowed brow, the man who would be boy-King will take his destined throne. And in a much needed show of strength, Bush will drive his enemies before him, like leaves before a storm. He will make whores of our wives and slaves of our children. He will appoint a horse to the Senate. And he will have the oceans wipped for daring to turn their tides without his lead. And while having gangs of willowy young boys rub his body with perfumes from Persia and the fat rendered from the corpses of the persecuted poor, all about the fevered crowds will stare worshipfully at thier unknowing, unseeing, girlishly giggling, Idiot Emperors head.
Colbert: Tonight's topic, Islam versus Christianity - which is right?
Carell: Islam.
Colbert: Christianity
Carell: Is-LAAAAAAAA-LALALALALAM! There is no god but Allah and Mohammed is his Prophet. Stephen?
Colbert: Steve, this debate is about religion, lets discuss it rationally. Now, think about it, if you were God would you manifest your divine glory to a shepherd in a cave in Saudi Arabia in the 7th Century, or as the son of a carpenter in a manger in Judea in the year zero? Come on, use your mind!
Carell: Stephen, what part of "here is no god but Allah and Mohammed is his Prophet" don't you understand? Look, lets assume for the sake of argument that your God is the one true God. That would mean that Allah is not the one true God, which we know he is. Don’t you see, your logic eats itself!
Colbert: First off, it’s not my logic, Steve, it’s God’s logic, as written in the Bible, every word of which is true. And we know every word is true because the Bible says that the Bible is true, and if you remember from earlier in this sentence every word of the Bible is true! Now, are you following me here, or are you some kind of mindless zealot?
Carell: You know, there is one way of settling this.
Colbert: Crusade!
Carell: Alright, there are 2 ways of settling this. The one I was thinking of, a pray-off. You pray to your God, and I will pray to mine, and we will see which one of us gets smited.
Colbert: Great, lets do it!
Carell: Is your God ready?
Colbert:My God was born ready. Or….er….not so much born as begotten, not made, at one with the father, ready.
Carell: Alright, on your mark. Get set. Pray.
(Praying ensures)
Colbert: Done!
Carell: Nooo-no-no-no-no, I-I am, I am done too, and I appear to be unsmoted!
Colbert: Yeah, for now, but let me tell you, when you die and go to hell, you’re going to wish you weren’t dead!
Carell: Hmm….interesting. Now am I going to be doing that after I go to paradise to join my bevy of spotless virgins for all eternity? You know, ‘cos I want to give them the heads up where I am going for E-TER-NITY!
Jon Stewart: Guys, er….I’m sorry, I just starting to think that this religion thing, we’re not going to settle it in 3 minutes, so, if you can just wrap it up and find some common ground, that would be great.
(Colbert and Carell look at Jon. Then they turn around and start thinking)
Colbert: Hmm….
Carell: Hmm….
(beat)
Carell: Maybe the Jew is right….
(Laughter)
Colbert: Yeah….maybe so….which is funny ‘cos normally I don’t care for Jews.
Carell: We don’t either.
Colbert: Really?
Carell: We seem to find them kinda….scheming.
Colbert: We’re very big on that too!
Carell: Really?!
Colbert: Yes!
Carell: Heh-heh-heh. We’re not so different after all!
Both laugh and grab hands, then suddenly stop laughing and glare at Jon Stewart.
[talking like a Biblical prophet] Threat, Jon? Threat? Tread carefully, newsman, lest your impudence embroil you in the coming battle tide. For the day is nigh when the armies of Rove shall come alive to claim their due. For lo! it has been foretold that the son of the forty-first king shall himself twice be crowned! The treasuries will be emptied! The ads unleashed! And the blue states will run red with the hundred million dollars of hellfire and retribution!
I was subpoenaed, Jon, but I pled the sixth. That threw them for a loop.
We won. Rebuilding is for losers. Time to party. And then it's off to Syria for the next invasion.
Islam… fascinating religion, but it's kind of a PR nightmare right now… and ditto. [shows a picture of a Catholic cardinal]
What are you implying Jon? That O’Reilly and Geraldo are narcissists enthralled in their own overblown egos - projecting their own petty insecurities on to the world around them, inventing false enemies for the sole purpose of bolstering their sense of self-importance, itty bitty Nixons minus the relevance or a hint of vision? How dare you!
Far out Steve! Groovy point man, you're blowing my mind! Face it! You and your doctor dopes are just hiding behind grandma's oxygen tanks. The real reason you're pushing pro-pot legislation is so you can suck on a Thai-stick and watch the walls begin to pulse and breathe!
Aw c'mon Steve, you love Ganja and the exhilarating rush of freedom and the heightened textural sensations it gives you! Where as, I wouldn't know where to start looking for a dimebag, I'm sure you've got great connections! So let me in your dirty little secret Steve, *slowly* where do you get your pot?
I don't know Steve, would we be high?
Atheism: the religion devoted to the worship of one's own smug sense of superiority.
Well Jon its still a little too early to be sure, but this is how I see the next 4 years playing out: On Inauguration Day George W. Bush will take the Oath of Office and assume the mantle of Leader of the Free World, restoring his father's fallen Dynasty. And to insure his legitamacy, Chief Justice Rehnquist will anniont his brow with chrism. Doves will be realeased and lambs will be slaughtered. Bush will mount a golden chariot. Then with his aged squire Dick Cheney holding a loral wreath over his master's furrowed brow, the man who would be boy-King will take his destined throne. And in a much needed show of strength, Bush will drive his enemies before him, like leaves before a storm. He will make whores of our wives and slaves of our children. He will appoint a horse to the Senate. And he will have the oceans wipped for daring to turn their tides without his lead. And while having gangs of willowy young boys rub his body with perfumes from Persia and the fat rendered from the corpses of the persecuted poor, all about the fevered crowds will stare worshipfully at thier unknowing, unseeing, girlishly giggling, Idiot Emperors head.
That was the weirdest display of geekdom that I have ever seen in my entire life.
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colbertnationgirl
- Hymn of One
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- Joined: Sat Oct 21, 2006 10:42 am
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colbertnationgirl
- Hymn of One
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- Joined: Sat Oct 21, 2006 10:42 am
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Particular
- Enthusiastic Fan
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- Location: Australia
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Kk, Hi Karicolbertnationgirl wrote:Call me Kari.Particular wrote:Hi Colbertnationgirl*huggles*
(I love your avatar, I can completely relate, lol)
Last edited by Particular on Mon Jun 11, 2007 8:25 pm, edited 1 time in total.
"It's been lovely, but I have to scream now."
R.I.P. Maddy and Adam. Mad love for you guys.
Member of the Lurker Fanclub
R.I.P. Maddy and Adam. Mad love for you guys.
Member of the Lurker Fanclub
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PolkadotConfederation
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colbertnationgirl
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aeryolol
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hey selly.PolkadotConfederation wrote:I got ANOTHER message from Jackson.
That's the third one today.
he sent me one too
i think hes mad 'cause I called him a betch
“Farthest from your mind is the thought of falling back, in fact, it isn't there at all. And so you dig your hole carefully and deep, and wait.”
me ish boobie.
me ish boobie.
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PolkadotConfederation
- Hymn of One
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Particular
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- Joined: Mon Apr 09, 2007 6:23 am
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