lol, i realise thats probably not that exciting......
be back in a bit....
(oh no! Kassia's gone?)
[Archive IV] Daniel, ma belle
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Particular
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- Location: Australia
- Contact:
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Particular
- Enthusiastic Fan
- Posts: 321
- Joined: Mon Apr 09, 2007 6:23 am
- Location: Australia
- Contact:
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colbertnationgirl
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- Posts: 14857
- Joined: Sat Oct 21, 2006 10:42 am
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colbertnationgirl
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~Commander of the LG15 Defense Force-
colbertnationgirl
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colbertnationgirl
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- Joined: Sat Oct 21, 2006 10:42 am
2006 White House Correspondents' Association Dinner
“Before I get started, if anybody needs anything else at their tables, just speak slowly and clearly into your table numbers; someone from the NSA will be right over with a cocktail.”
"I believe democracy is our greatest export. At least until China figures out a way to stamp it out of plastic for three cents a unit."
"I believe in America....I believe it exists."
“That's where the truth lies, right down here in the gut. Do you know you have more nerve endings in your gut than you have in your head? You can look it up. I know some of you are going to say 'I did look it up, and that's not true.' That's 'cause you looked it up in a book. Next time, look it up in your gut. I did. My gut tells me that's how our nervous system works.”
(Expressing his awe in standing next to President Bush)
"Somebody pinch me. No, that wouldn't work; I'm a pretty sound sleeper. Somebody shoot me in the face. Is he really not here tonight? Dammit."
I stand by this man. I stand by this man because he stands for things. Not only for things, he stands on things. Things like aircraft carriers and rubble and recently flooded city squares. And that sends a strong message, that no matter what happens to America, she will always rebound -- with the most powerfully staged photo ops in the world.
Mayor Nagin is here from New Orleans, the chocolate city... Mayor Nagin, I'd like to welcome you to Washington D.C., the chocolate city with a marshmallow center, and a graham cracker crust of corruption. It's a Mallomar I guess is what I'm describing.
I believe the government that governs best is the government that governs least. And by these standards, we have set up a fabulous government in Iraq.
I've got a theory about how to handle these retired generals causing all this trouble: don't let them retire! Come on, we've got a stop-loss program; let's use it on these guys. I've seen Zinni and that crowd on Wolf Blitzer. If you're strong enough to go on one of those pundit shows, you're strong enough to stand on a bank of computers and order men into battle. Come on.
I give people the truth, unfiltered by rational argument. I call it the 'No Fact Zone'. Fox News, I hold a copyright on that term.
I know there are some polls out there saying this man has a 32% approval rating. But guys like us, we don't pay attention to the polls. We know that polls are just a collection of statistics that reflect what people are thinking in "reality." And reality has a well-known liberal bias.
Sir, pay no attention to the people who say the glass is half empty, because 32% means it's 2/3 empty. There's still some liquid in that glass, is my point. But I wouldn't drink it. The last third is usually backwash.
It's like boxing a glacier. Enjoy that metaphor, by the way, because your grandchildren will have no idea what a glacier is.
As excited as I am to be here with the president, I am appalled to be surrounded by the liberal media that is destroying America, with the exception of Fox News. Fox News gives you both sides of every story: the president's side, and the vice president's side. But the rest of you, what are you thinking, reporting on NSA wiretapping or secret prisons in eastern Europe? Those things are secret for a very important reason: they're super-depressing. And if that's your goal, well, misery accomplished. Over the last five years you people were so good -- over tax cuts, WMD intelligence, the effect of global warming. We Americans didn't want to know, and you had the courtesy not to try to find out. Those were good times, as far as we knew.
But, listen, let's review the rules. Here's how it works: the president makes decisions. He's the Decider. The press secretary announces those decisions, and you people of the press type those decisions down. Make, announce, type. Just put 'em through a spell check and go home. Get to know your family again. Make love to your wife. Write that novel you got kicking around in your head. You know, the one about the intrepid Washington reporter with the courage to stand up to the administration. You know - fiction.
Then you write, "Oh, they're just rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic." First of all, that is a terrible metaphor. This administration is not sinking. This administration is soaring. If anything, they are rearranging the deck chairs on the Hindenburg.
The greatest thing about this man is he's steady. You know where he stands. He believes the same thing Wednesday that he believed on Monday -- no matter what happened Tuesday.
And though I am a committed Christian, I believe everyone has the right to their own religion - be you Hindu, Jewish, or Muslim, I believe there are infinite paths to accepting Jesus Christ as your personal savior.
By the way, Mr. President, thank you for agreeing to be on my show. I was just as shocked as everyone here is, I promise you. How's Tuesday for you? I've got Frank Rich, but we can bump him. And I mean bump him. I know a guy. Say the word.
Ambassador Zhou Wenzhong, welcome! Your great country [of China] makes our Happy Meals possible!
“I believe in pulling yourself up by your own bootstraps. I believe it is possible – I saw this guy do it once in Cirque du Soleil. It was magical.”
“I'm a simple man with a simple mind. I hold a simple set of beliefs that I live by. Number one, I believe in America. I believe it exists. My gut tells me I live there. I feel that it extends from the Atlantic to the Pacific, and I strongly believe it has 50 states.”
Who's Britannica to tell me that the Panama Canal was built in 1914? If I want to say that it was built in 1941, that's my right as an American.
[Talking about George Bush] And I just like the guy. He's a good joe. Obviously loves his wife, calls her his better half, and polls show America agrees.
“Before I get started, if anybody needs anything else at their tables, just speak slowly and clearly into your table numbers; someone from the NSA will be right over with a cocktail.”
"I believe democracy is our greatest export. At least until China figures out a way to stamp it out of plastic for three cents a unit."
"I believe in America....I believe it exists."
“That's where the truth lies, right down here in the gut. Do you know you have more nerve endings in your gut than you have in your head? You can look it up. I know some of you are going to say 'I did look it up, and that's not true.' That's 'cause you looked it up in a book. Next time, look it up in your gut. I did. My gut tells me that's how our nervous system works.”
(Expressing his awe in standing next to President Bush)
"Somebody pinch me. No, that wouldn't work; I'm a pretty sound sleeper. Somebody shoot me in the face. Is he really not here tonight? Dammit."
I stand by this man. I stand by this man because he stands for things. Not only for things, he stands on things. Things like aircraft carriers and rubble and recently flooded city squares. And that sends a strong message, that no matter what happens to America, she will always rebound -- with the most powerfully staged photo ops in the world.
Mayor Nagin is here from New Orleans, the chocolate city... Mayor Nagin, I'd like to welcome you to Washington D.C., the chocolate city with a marshmallow center, and a graham cracker crust of corruption. It's a Mallomar I guess is what I'm describing.
I believe the government that governs best is the government that governs least. And by these standards, we have set up a fabulous government in Iraq.
I've got a theory about how to handle these retired generals causing all this trouble: don't let them retire! Come on, we've got a stop-loss program; let's use it on these guys. I've seen Zinni and that crowd on Wolf Blitzer. If you're strong enough to go on one of those pundit shows, you're strong enough to stand on a bank of computers and order men into battle. Come on.
I give people the truth, unfiltered by rational argument. I call it the 'No Fact Zone'. Fox News, I hold a copyright on that term.
I know there are some polls out there saying this man has a 32% approval rating. But guys like us, we don't pay attention to the polls. We know that polls are just a collection of statistics that reflect what people are thinking in "reality." And reality has a well-known liberal bias.
Sir, pay no attention to the people who say the glass is half empty, because 32% means it's 2/3 empty. There's still some liquid in that glass, is my point. But I wouldn't drink it. The last third is usually backwash.
It's like boxing a glacier. Enjoy that metaphor, by the way, because your grandchildren will have no idea what a glacier is.
As excited as I am to be here with the president, I am appalled to be surrounded by the liberal media that is destroying America, with the exception of Fox News. Fox News gives you both sides of every story: the president's side, and the vice president's side. But the rest of you, what are you thinking, reporting on NSA wiretapping or secret prisons in eastern Europe? Those things are secret for a very important reason: they're super-depressing. And if that's your goal, well, misery accomplished. Over the last five years you people were so good -- over tax cuts, WMD intelligence, the effect of global warming. We Americans didn't want to know, and you had the courtesy not to try to find out. Those were good times, as far as we knew.
But, listen, let's review the rules. Here's how it works: the president makes decisions. He's the Decider. The press secretary announces those decisions, and you people of the press type those decisions down. Make, announce, type. Just put 'em through a spell check and go home. Get to know your family again. Make love to your wife. Write that novel you got kicking around in your head. You know, the one about the intrepid Washington reporter with the courage to stand up to the administration. You know - fiction.
Then you write, "Oh, they're just rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic." First of all, that is a terrible metaphor. This administration is not sinking. This administration is soaring. If anything, they are rearranging the deck chairs on the Hindenburg.
The greatest thing about this man is he's steady. You know where he stands. He believes the same thing Wednesday that he believed on Monday -- no matter what happened Tuesday.
And though I am a committed Christian, I believe everyone has the right to their own religion - be you Hindu, Jewish, or Muslim, I believe there are infinite paths to accepting Jesus Christ as your personal savior.
By the way, Mr. President, thank you for agreeing to be on my show. I was just as shocked as everyone here is, I promise you. How's Tuesday for you? I've got Frank Rich, but we can bump him. And I mean bump him. I know a guy. Say the word.
Ambassador Zhou Wenzhong, welcome! Your great country [of China] makes our Happy Meals possible!
“I believe in pulling yourself up by your own bootstraps. I believe it is possible – I saw this guy do it once in Cirque du Soleil. It was magical.”
“I'm a simple man with a simple mind. I hold a simple set of beliefs that I live by. Number one, I believe in America. I believe it exists. My gut tells me I live there. I feel that it extends from the Atlantic to the Pacific, and I strongly believe it has 50 states.”
Who's Britannica to tell me that the Panama Canal was built in 1914? If I want to say that it was built in 1941, that's my right as an American.
[Talking about George Bush] And I just like the guy. He's a good joe. Obviously loves his wife, calls her his better half, and polls show America agrees.
That was the weirdest display of geekdom that I have ever seen in my entire life.
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colbertnationgirl
- Hymn of One
- Posts: 14857
- Joined: Sat Oct 21, 2006 10:42 am
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colbertnationgirl
- Hymn of One
- Posts: 14857
- Joined: Sat Oct 21, 2006 10:42 am
Jon: Thank you very much, it's a pleasure to be here tonight.
Stephen: Good evening, godless sodomites.
(beat)
Jon: W-What are you doing?
Stephen: I'm bringing the truth Jon. We're in Hollywood, the belly of the beast.
Jon: ....We are here to honor achievement in that category (reality/competition TV)....
Stephen: ....By giving you a golden idol to worship. KNEEL BEFORE YOUR GOD BABYLON!
(pause)
Jon: Er....this is about the Manilow thing, isn't it.
Stephen: I LOST TO BARRY MANILOW!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JZu63SqFd38
Stephen: Good evening, godless sodomites.
(beat)
Jon: W-What are you doing?
Stephen: I'm bringing the truth Jon. We're in Hollywood, the belly of the beast.
Jon: ....We are here to honor achievement in that category (reality/competition TV)....
Stephen: ....By giving you a golden idol to worship. KNEEL BEFORE YOUR GOD BABYLON!
(pause)
Jon: Er....this is about the Manilow thing, isn't it.
Stephen: I LOST TO BARRY MANILOW!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JZu63SqFd38
Last edited by colbertnationgirl on Mon Jun 11, 2007 8:02 pm, edited 1 time in total.
That was the weirdest display of geekdom that I have ever seen in my entire life.
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colbertnationgirl
- Hymn of One
- Posts: 14857
- Joined: Sat Oct 21, 2006 10:42 am
My character is self-important, poorly informed, well-intentioned, but an idiot, … So we said, "Let's give him a promotion."
"Stephen Colbert is cool." (about the creation of The Colbert Report)
On recommendations for others from the August 2006 Wired Magazine: "Get your own entry in an encyclopedia. - In the media age, everybody was famous for 15 minutes. In the Wikipedia age, everybody can be an expert in five minutes. Special bonus: You can edit your own entry to make yourself seem even smarter."
I went to school at the school of hard knocks... and then later Dartmouth.
"Stephen Colbert is cool." (about the creation of The Colbert Report)
On recommendations for others from the August 2006 Wired Magazine: "Get your own entry in an encyclopedia. - In the media age, everybody was famous for 15 minutes. In the Wikipedia age, everybody can be an expert in five minutes. Special bonus: You can edit your own entry to make yourself seem even smarter."
I went to school at the school of hard knocks... and then later Dartmouth.
That was the weirdest display of geekdom that I have ever seen in my entire life.
-
colbertnationgirl
- Hymn of One
- Posts: 14857
- Joined: Sat Oct 21, 2006 10:42 am
Librarians are hiding something.
I don't see color. People tell me I'm white and I believe them, because police officers call me sir.
Reality has become a commodity.
Jesus forgives sinners, not criminals.
If you are an act, then what am I? - to Papa Bear Bill O'Reilly
I am not a secular progressive. I am a deep religious man that will do anything you say. - again to Bill O'Reilly
It's French… bitch.
There's only one word to describe it: "Trustigious".
Those are your words...as I edit them.
This is The Colbert Report. Or to our non-English speaking viewers, THIS IS THE COLBERT REPORT!
I want to thank Comedy Central for picking up the show, but more importantly I want to congratulate Comedy Central for picking up the show.
You don't look up truthiness in a book, you look it up in your gut.
I'm looking over your shoulder…but only because I've got your back.
I've got 99 problems but the truth ain't one.
On this show, your voice will be heard…in the form of my voice.
Foreign newspapers: if they've got nothing to hide, how come they don't print them in English?
I will not turn partly gay with a chance of a reach around!
I am the walrus, Goo Goo Ga Truth.
The me shall inherit the Earth.
Need I remind you that if the Democrats take control of Congress, Democrats will be in control of Congress!
Anybody can read the news to you--I promise to feel the news at you.
I'm all for George Bush, I don't care if an ear of corn screams at me when I bite it.
America is in the middle of a coast-to-coast heat wave. Good thing for you, I'm America's biggest fan.
The African elephant population has tripled in the last six months.
I don't believe gay marriage is a slippery slope down to marrying snakes. I believe marrying snakes is a step up from gay marriage.
Romance languages lead to premarital sex.
Both of our wands contain the same piece of phoenix feather.
I have tender feelings for Nixon. I didn't like the Watergate hearings - they interrupted "The Munsters".
Oregon is Idaho's Portugal.
Washington is dangerously positioned between 2 Canadas, Canada Canada and California's Canada, Oregon.
You see, we're America the Beautiful, not America well at least she has a great personality
I'm not a fan of facts. You see, the facts can change, but my opinion will never change, no matter what the facts are.
Nobody likes taxes, except the Democrats...hahaha hohoho thats funny 'cause its true.
Changing "French fries" to "Freedom fries" was arguably this Republican Congress's greatest accomplishment.
Democrats lead in all the polls by at least 10 points, except one—Fox News. That is with a margin of error of plus-or-minus the facts.
Mentioning Jesus in your speech is Small Government. Doing what Jesus asked is Big Government.
When I think of the truth, I touch myself.
I can't hear you through ALL the LIBERTY!!!
Somebody get me a bucket, I'm about to truth.
[split screen, with things being typed out on the left, and Colbert talking on the right] "... the problem is, these days, nobody seems to know exactly WHY we're even in Iraq to begin with!" [Board: WMDs?] "No..." [Board: 9/11?] "No..." [Somebody tried to kill the President's daddy?] "Kind-of."
Ok, every time the President comes up with a new secret tactic to take down al-Qaeda, the media blows its cover: torture, monitoring our phone calls, monitoring our emails, secret prisons, all perfectly reasonable temporary concessions of freedom that will only be in effect as long as our never-ending war on terror.
Hey camels, stop showing off and drink something.
To a homosexual sex therapist: As a gentleman, I congratulate you on your success. As a Christian, I say you're going to hell.
Love is a full-length mirror.
(to Jimmy Wales) Wikipedia is the first place I go when I'm looking for knowledge...or when I want to create some.
I don't see color. People tell me I'm white and I believe them, because police officers call me sir.
Reality has become a commodity.
Jesus forgives sinners, not criminals.
If you are an act, then what am I? - to Papa Bear Bill O'Reilly
I am not a secular progressive. I am a deep religious man that will do anything you say. - again to Bill O'Reilly
It's French… bitch.
There's only one word to describe it: "Trustigious".
Those are your words...as I edit them.
This is The Colbert Report. Or to our non-English speaking viewers, THIS IS THE COLBERT REPORT!
I want to thank Comedy Central for picking up the show, but more importantly I want to congratulate Comedy Central for picking up the show.
You don't look up truthiness in a book, you look it up in your gut.
I'm looking over your shoulder…but only because I've got your back.
I've got 99 problems but the truth ain't one.
On this show, your voice will be heard…in the form of my voice.
Foreign newspapers: if they've got nothing to hide, how come they don't print them in English?
I will not turn partly gay with a chance of a reach around!
I am the walrus, Goo Goo Ga Truth.
The me shall inherit the Earth.
Need I remind you that if the Democrats take control of Congress, Democrats will be in control of Congress!
Anybody can read the news to you--I promise to feel the news at you.
I'm all for George Bush, I don't care if an ear of corn screams at me when I bite it.
America is in the middle of a coast-to-coast heat wave. Good thing for you, I'm America's biggest fan.
The African elephant population has tripled in the last six months.
I don't believe gay marriage is a slippery slope down to marrying snakes. I believe marrying snakes is a step up from gay marriage.
Romance languages lead to premarital sex.
Both of our wands contain the same piece of phoenix feather.
I have tender feelings for Nixon. I didn't like the Watergate hearings - they interrupted "The Munsters".
Oregon is Idaho's Portugal.
Washington is dangerously positioned between 2 Canadas, Canada Canada and California's Canada, Oregon.
You see, we're America the Beautiful, not America well at least she has a great personality
I'm not a fan of facts. You see, the facts can change, but my opinion will never change, no matter what the facts are.
Nobody likes taxes, except the Democrats...hahaha hohoho thats funny 'cause its true.
Changing "French fries" to "Freedom fries" was arguably this Republican Congress's greatest accomplishment.
Democrats lead in all the polls by at least 10 points, except one—Fox News. That is with a margin of error of plus-or-minus the facts.
Mentioning Jesus in your speech is Small Government. Doing what Jesus asked is Big Government.
When I think of the truth, I touch myself.
I can't hear you through ALL the LIBERTY!!!
Somebody get me a bucket, I'm about to truth.
[split screen, with things being typed out on the left, and Colbert talking on the right] "... the problem is, these days, nobody seems to know exactly WHY we're even in Iraq to begin with!" [Board: WMDs?] "No..." [Board: 9/11?] "No..." [Somebody tried to kill the President's daddy?] "Kind-of."
Ok, every time the President comes up with a new secret tactic to take down al-Qaeda, the media blows its cover: torture, monitoring our phone calls, monitoring our emails, secret prisons, all perfectly reasonable temporary concessions of freedom that will only be in effect as long as our never-ending war on terror.
Hey camels, stop showing off and drink something.
To a homosexual sex therapist: As a gentleman, I congratulate you on your success. As a Christian, I say you're going to hell.
Love is a full-length mirror.
(to Jimmy Wales) Wikipedia is the first place I go when I'm looking for knowledge...or when I want to create some.
That was the weirdest display of geekdom that I have ever seen in my entire life.
