Lonelygirl15

When I look at all he can do, no I don't. And just by looking at him, you would have no idea. Many people that I have met, when I mention the occupational therapy that he goes to, or the extra help he has in school because he still is only reading, at best, at a first grade level, then it hits me that, yes, my son is mentally handicapped.

I was lucky, his being born so premature (10 weeks) was actually a blessing in disguise. His brain was able to compensate for the parts that don't work. He has cerebral palsy and instead of affecting his motor skills it affected his cognitive level.

I find myself living in a bit of denial a lot of the time, because he LOOKS so NORMAL. But when it comes right down to it, on his medical records, looking at a picture of his brain scan, there is a part that doesn't register. It is a black spot. There has never been and there will never be any brain activity there.

So, to answer your question, yes and no. Yes, part of me considers my son to be retarded and no, part of me will not allow myself to feel that way and influence how he interacts with the world.

So,

Ziola, none of my close friends or family are mentally challenged yet I still am offended that someone would use the word out of context like that. So I don't think it's whether or not you know someone who is like that... it's instead being more educated about the topic. A lot of people are ignorant to these types of things, so they think it's alright to say stuff like it. Having a family member with a mental disorder or a close friend just expedites the enlightenment.

I also hesitate to use the word "normal" referring to people without mental impairments. It's cliche as hell, but normal is relative.

<3 Ziola

Ziola wrote:When I look at all he can do, no I don't. And just by looking at him, you would have no idea. Many people that I have met, when I mention the occupational therapy that he goes to, or the extra help he has in school because he still is only reading, at best, at a first grade level, then it hits me that, yes, my son is mentally handicapped.

I was lucky, his being born so premature (10 weeks) was actually a blessing in disguise. His brain was able to compensate for the parts that don't work. He has cerebral palsy and instead of affecting his motor skills it affected his cognitive level.

I find myself living in a bit of denial a lot of the time, because he LOOKS so NORMAL. But when it comes right down to it, on his medical records, looking at a picture of his brain scan, there is a part that doesn't register. It is a black spot. There has never been and there will never be any brain activity there.

So, to answer your question, yes and no. Yes, part of me considers my son to be retarded and no, part of me will not allow myself to feel that way and influence how he interacts with the world.

So,

Thank you for the response.....he sounds amazing. I suppose I asked because IMO, no one can put a label on him if you don't allow it. So if you don't consider him "retarded" then when others use the word it wouldn't offend you. But we're human and are affected by words no matter how much we try to deny it. I'm glad you didn't take offense to my question. Others might have so thanks for not taking it wrong!

acidfingers wrote:Ziola, none of my close friends or family are mentally challenged yet I still am offended that someone would use the word out of context like that. So I don't think it's whether or not you know someone who is like that... it's instead being more educated about the topic. A lot of people are ignorant to these types of things, so they think it's alright to say stuff like it. Having a family member with a mental disorder or a close friend just expedites the enlightenment.

I also hesitate to use the word "normal" referring to people without mental impairments. It's cliche as hell, but normal is relative.

<3 Ziola

I don't like the word "normal" either. I think the only word we should use for anyone is "unique" because there's only one of us.....except for the clones.

I'm not sure why calling anyone a retard or retarded is any worse than calling someone an idiot or a dumbass. Why is "retard" viewed as so much worse? I have a couple of extended family members whom I consider pretty stupid, but I don't get offended when I hear others referred to as idiots.

Personally, I only find it offensive when someone accompanies it with the hand motion (I think we all know what I'm talking about) because then it does sort of implicate certain people. Other than that, it doesn't bother me and I honestly don't even think of handicapped or disabled people when I hear it becuase it's become so common that, in my opinion, that connotation has kind of faded away. It has for me at least. But, having said that, I do try not to use the word becuase it does offend other people...and it's not like how curse words "offend" people, it's worse. I'll curse infront of pretty much everyone. Also..I don't think this word is comparable to ni**er for a host of reasons, but thats just me.

THe reason I posted the definition is so people know the actual meaning of the word because a lot of people seemed not have...yeah it can be used in a bad way...but any word can.
I posted the definition because I wanted people to know the actual facts.

I didn't mean to get people jumpy again, I just feel that a lot of people on the board have misconceptions of what the use of the word is actually meant for and I was hoping to basically just educate people.

Beckers wrote:THe reason I posted the definition is so people know the actual meaning of the word because a lot of people seemed not have...yeah it can be used in a bad way...but any word can.
I posted the definition because I wanted people to know the actual facts.

I didn't mean to get people jumpy again, I just feel that a lot of people on the board have misconceptions of what the use of the word is actually meant for and I was hoping to basically just educate people.

However, the "actual" meaning means nothing if society puts a new meaning to the word that is widely known/accepted. That's like saying f-a-g-g-o-t is just a bundle of sticks. In the real world, we all know what that word means.

I think this thread was a good discussion and no one said anything out of line so even though we didn't go along with your intention I still think it was a worthwhile conversation.

The word has been used wrongly on many occasions on here but it has also been used in many many instances where it was used for what it was meant for. Most of the that is what I have seen. I use in the way it was meant to be used and I do not use it and never have used it in an offensive way...yeah I understand people take offense to it, but it's all about knowing the facts and how you choose to react. Just because you

Either way I'm glad the conversation you guys have been having in this thread has been somewhat enlightening for everyone whatever thier stance on the word may be.

We can all learn something new if we're open to it.

Luv2Skydive wrote:We can all learn something new if we're open to it.

Exactly

Thanks to everyone for keeping things to an intellectual discussion...now if we could only do this across all threads hehe

Beckers wrote:The word has been used wrongly on many occasions on here but it has also been used in many many instances where it was used for what it was meant for.

Well, according to that definition, which is a very narrow one, retard means to slow down....as in "We found out that by adding this chemical, we retarded the growth of the bacteria." However, if you're using the word to refer to something or someone you want to call "retarded" then you clearly aren't using that definition. You're using THIS one (From the American Heritage Dictionary):

re·tard 2 (r?'tärd') Pronunciation Key
n. Offensive Slang
Used as a disparaging term for a mentally retarded person.
A person considered to be foolish or socially inept.


[Short for retarded.]

I don't think you can claim you called someone a retard and then "Oh, it's not the BAD definition.."

As far as "the N word", it has NOTHING to do with Nigeria. Nigeria was not even a country until 1960. It came originally from the Latin word "niger" which means black. Depending on what you read, it had negative connotations from before the Revolutionary War to sometime in the 1960s.

The fact is, words carry connotations. It is a person's responsibility to not offend by their usage of words. It does nothing but hurt others and reduces their ability to communicate...which is the whole reason for using words in the first place.

Censorship does have its place in society. In American society, for example, you can be sued for libel or slander if you spread lies about someone. You can also be charged for inciting a riot if your words lead to civil unrest. You can also be arrested for encouraging others to assassinate the president.

Words and actions go together. In many ways, a word can be seen as a verbal action. I can hurt someone through speech. Why should that be protected somehow when striking them would land me in jail? Why should verbal abuse be seen as something holy and sacrosanct whereas physical abuse is considered punishable? It's all about providing norms so those that do not have the ability to interract with others in a reasonable manner are forced to do so for the good of the whole or punished for not doing so.

While I personally disagree with censorship of ideas, I do not think we can go so far as to give a "get out of jail" card for anyone who wishes to use speech in order to hurt others. You can get something across without resorting to abusive language. If you cannot, perhaps you should rethink the original idea. Clearly it has its deficiencies.

I think there is a clear line between ideas that offend and language that abuses. It is a good thing that many are beginning to understand that abusive relationships may start and end with verbal abuse. Sometimes the tongue can hurt just as much as the fist. Unless we wish to jump out and start striking random people with our fists and saying that to stop me would censor my ideas (the idea that it's a good thing to attack others with your fists) then we have no grounds to say we can do the same with our tongue.

Oh great, another rehashing by people who don't understand how they should be held responsible for thier own words and how they can affect others.

What a retarded thing to say.